What men need to know to support the women in their lives
As men, you can become allies in women’s journeys through perimenopause and menopause. Because when men get it, everything shifts: communication becomes easier, relationships deepen, and intimacy often follows. If you’re a partner, brother, father, friend or colleague of someone navigating this life-phase, read on and listen on. We’ve done the digging to find excellent podcast episodes that are tailor-made for you, men, wanting to understand, support, and engage — not just stand by. Are 5 podcasts not enough? Find more here on our dedicated page on menopause podcasts for men.
Key Takeaways for Men
- Perimenopause is the transition before menopause, often lasting 4–8 years, marked by fluctuating hormones and unpredictable symptoms and can start as early in the mid-to-late 30s for some women, but typically in her 40s.
- Menopause is confirmed after 12 months without a period, typically between ages 45–55.
- Symptoms can be emotional, physical, cognitive, and sexual. They are real, common, and vary widely.
- Women in your life may feel like they are becoming a “different version” of themselves. She’s not imagining it, and it’s not her fault.
- Understanding and support from men can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and emotional well-being during this transition.
What Are Perimenopause and Menopause?
Perimenopause is the transitional phase leading up to menopause. Hormones fluctuate wildly, like a rollercoaster with no clear schedule. Estrogen spikes high and then suddenly crashes, which is why women may experience mood swings, hot flashes, or unpredictable periods. At the same time, progesterone steadily declines because ovulation becomes irregular, leading to sleep problems, anxiety, and PMS-like symptoms that feel more intense than usual. Meanwhile, testosterone gradually decreases, which can lower libido, reduce energy, and cause a dip in strength or motivation. Women may still get periods for some time, but they can be irregular: earlier, later, heavier, lighter, skipped altogether. Menopause is reached once a woman has gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period. After this point, estrogen levels stabilize at a lower baseline.
Why this matters for men: Hormone fluctuations impact much more than periods. They influence:
- brain chemistry
- temperature regulation
- stress response
- sleep
- libido
- metabolism
- mood and emotional processing
In other words, the women in your life are not “overreacting”; she’s living through a biologically intense transition.
Common Symptoms You May Notice in Women (and Why They Happen)
1. Mood swings & irritability
Fluctuating estrogen affects serotonin and dopamine, the brain’s mood regulators. What looks like anger may actually be overwhelm, fatigue, or anxiety.2. Anxiety or low mood
Hormonal shifts can heighten emotional sensitivity and stress responses. Many women report feeling “not like myself.”3. Sleep disruption
Night sweats, anxiety, and hormonal shifts can interrupt sleep patterns, leading to exhaustion and irritability the next day.4. Hot flashes & night sweats
These sudden heat surges are caused by changes in the body’s temperature control. They can be uncomfortable and disruptive.5. Brain fog & memory lapses
Women often describe misplacing things, struggling to concentrate, or forgetting words. These symptoms are incredibly common during perimenopause, often referred to as brain fog, as hormones influence cognitive function.6. Vaginal dryness and changes in libido
Lower estrogen affects natural lubrication and blood flow, sometimes making sex uncomfortable. This doesn’t necessarily mean she’s less attracted to you; it means her body is changing.7. Fatigue
Chronic tiredness can stem from changing hormones, poor sleep, or constant symptom management.
How Perimenopause Can Affect Your Relationship
- Communication changes
Your partner may become more sensitive, withdrawn, overwhelmed, or easily frustrated. She may find it harder to articulate how she feels. This is very normal. - Desire and intimacy shifts
Libido changes are hormonal, not personal. Some women experience decreased desire; others may feel less comfortable with their bodies during midlife changes. - Emotional needs may shift
Many women crave more reassurance, patience, or emotional closeness during this time — not because they’re insecure, but because their internal landscape feels unfamiliar. - Household dynamics may feel different
Tasks that used to feel manageable may suddenly feel exhausting. The mental load may feel heavier. Support and partnership matter more now than ever.
What can you as men do? Six practical ways to support women through perimenopause and menopause
1. Start a conversation about perimenopause — and keep it open
Try something simple like:
“I want to understand what you’re going through. How can I support you today?”
Listening without trying to fix every problem can be incredibly grounding.
2. Learn the symptoms and expect unpredictability
Perimenopause isn’t linear. Good days and tough days will come and go. Your awareness helps reduce confusion and misinterpretation.
3. Help reduce her stress and load
Small acts like taking on tasks, prepping dinner, doing the school run, handling logistics, can make a huge difference when symptoms spike.
4. Support her physical well-being
Encourage her (but don’t pressure):
- movement or walks together
- balanced meals
- hydration
- sleep routines
- reducing alcohol when needed
- Lifestyle changes are science-backed tools for easing symptoms.
5. Approach intimacy with empathy
If sex is uncomfortable or her libido shifts, work as a team. Options include:
- more communication about what feels good
- extra lubrication
- exploring intimacy beyond intercourse
- patience and reassurance
- These changes are physical, not necessarily relational.
6. Attend appointments together (if she wants)
Sometimes having a partner in the room helps women:
- feel heard
- remember questions
- advocate for treatment options
- It also deepens your own understanding of perimenopause and menopause.
What NOT to Do
- Don’t say to her, “You’re overreacting.”
- Don’t joke about symptoms.
- Don’t take mood shifts too personally.
- Don’t compare her to other women (because we all go through it and experience it differently!)
- Don’t assume she’ll “just get over it.”
- Menopause is a major biological transition, just like puberty, pregnancy, or postpartum shifts, and it deserves that same level of empathy.
Supporting yourself as a man
Yes, you men also need support during this transition. Your role can feel confusing or overwhelming at times. You may feel unsure how to help or afraid of doing the wrong thing.
Some tips:
- Learn more, so you don’t take her symptoms personally
- Ask her questions without judgment
- Take breaks when you need them
- Talk to your (male) friends about it and hear their experiences about the women in their lives
- Seek couples or individual support if things feel stuck
- Remember: this is a phase, not forever
- Perimenopause is temporary. Your relationship is not.
Final Thoughts: Men Matter in Menopause
Your support doesn’t require perfect understanding, just willingness. Perimenopause is not something a woman should navigate alone. When men show up with curiosity, empathy, and partnership, the transition to menopause becomes less isolating and far more manageable. By learning, listening, and standing beside the women in your life, you help create a kinder, healthier, more connected journey through midlife so us women can navigate our menopausing journeys with confidence!
Sources:
Perimenopause Symptoms, Severity, and Healthcare Use in a Population-Based Sample
https://www.nature.com/articles/s44294-025-00061-3
Cognition in Perimenopause: A Systematic Review and Narrative Synthesis
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0378512222001384
Management of Perimenopausal and Menopausal Symptoms
https://www.bmj.com/content/382/bmj-2022-072612.abstract
Insights into Perimenopause: A Survey of Perceptions and Experiences
https://www.mdpi.com/2673-4184/5/1/4
The Effect of Husbands’ Education Regarding Menopausal Health on Women’s Quality of Life
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5432462/
Social Support and Its Influencing Factors Among Perimenopausal Women
https://www.mdpi.com/2227-9032/13/9/1057
Menopause: Understanding the Impact on Women and Their Partners
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/2053369119895413
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